On spirit, emotion, and habit

Summertimes done gone away. I did my time. I did some parkour, I ran, and even worked up to a 29km (ended up being 20 miles in the end) birthday run at the end of august. I tracked, loosely, and stayed intuitive. I had days in the flow, and self right in the world. I found my emotional side, and joined in circle with strangers, brothers in the mankind project. I connected with other humans in ways I hadn’t done in years. I scared myself. I signed up for things. did the splits stretching for a month, that was something. As of now, my legs are rehabbing. I’m in a bit of a lull. I got a DEXA scan after my run, and it showed I managed to, without tracking strictly, recomp a bit, gaining 4 pounds of LBM and losing close to a pound (likely from the surgery) of fat. I was elated, and elected to do the usual winter bulk. So I enlisted help from an instragram celebrity, to help me deadlift. I got a program, then learned my legs were just, no good. So I’ve been benching, and curling, and lat raising for 4 weeks while doing corrective exercise. I want to run and jump. I want to listen to my body. I am tracking food and gaining weight and feel anxiety. I am working towards those arbitrary goals again. I am out of flow. I found my emotional spiritual side and it was amazing to connect to something higher than myself. A sort of human consciousness that really can’t be explained. It just felt so amazing to hear other people talk about their own problems.

I felt part of something. I am back into old habits. I need to break them.