Willingness to change.
Time, it ebbs and flows. What seemed like years condensed into a handful of weeks after my surgery is now a lifetime ago. Those painful excruciating days of using a cane just to get out of bed is now a haze. Things were awful, then hard, and now…hopeful. Yes, I’ve gone through some changes.
First things first, I saw a therapist. We clicked, and things have been fantastic. I’ve slowly been rebuilding my sense of self, doing new things, embracing change and the unknown, and loving my intuitive new outlook. I am slowly rebuilding my old habits and thought processes. I also began working less. My job is only a means to an end, and I had been in a severe lack mindset around money and time. As my mindset changed, my whole approach to things has slowly been reorganizing.
I got out and did stuff. I went places, I became work at coffee shop guy. I tried to talk to strangers….a little bit. I found a new hobby. Parkour! The principals of fitness and being confident moving around collided after I completed the elements GMB animal movement course. Once I did my first cartwheel, I knew I had to finally try this parkour business. So I joined a park meetup, and was thrown into the deep end. 2 hours later, I was swinging under railings, climbing scary things, and jumping farther than I ever could have hoped.
I am still new to this world, but it feels good. To use my fitness and my body for a goal, and to have a reason to train other than to look a certain way is refreshing. I still hit the barbells, and I still run around, but now it feels like I have more of a sense of purpose to work towards. Also, finally been intuitively eating. For at least 3 weeks. Holy crap. It feels amazing not to eat towards arbitrary goals and restrict all the time. For the first time in a long time, I feel almost comfortable in my body.
The outside scar is still there, though its beginning to change and fade. I almost like the way I look. I am beginning to change.